That's what he did to me.
How big was it?
I don't know. It was a decent log.
That's disgusting. I can't believe he did that.
All right, fellas.
Small blind, big blind, 25, 50.
Chip leader Jeremy Benton is the first to act.
That's the thing.
He would always threaten me that he was gonna take a crap in the tub,
'cause we took baths together.
So he was always threatening.
And then, finally, one day,
he just has this huge smile on his face,
and this shit log comes rolling down and grazes my knee.
Well, that's Jeremy for ya.
Exactly.
Mr. Benton takes the pot again.
Cash me in, Don. I'm done.
Okay.
I mean, he's probably not even gonna be there, right?
He's got the poker tournament,
your mom said he's not coming, I don't think he's coming.
Hypothetically...
Yeah?
If your brother didn't invite you to his birthday party,
would it hurt your feelings?
Are we gonna go?
Hey, sport.
We're just figuring out what we're doing right now, Hunter.
Whatever.
Yeah, I mean, the party's gonna be lame.
I'm pretty busy, it's a long way.
Yeah. You should just stay here with me.
You know, this is fucking ridiculous. Do you wanna party this weekend?
I'm ready to do some serious partying.
I'm ready to tear into some ice cream and some cake, too.
-Yeah. -I'm looking forward to that.
Let's do it, then. We're going?
Yeah, we're going.
-Final decision? -Yeah.
Let's do it.
Let's go.
Jesus.
Grandma!
-Hi! -Hi!
Hey, Mom.
Oh, look at you, Mark. I'm so glad to see you.
Say hi to Grandma.
Oh, he's grown!
Okay.
The first birthday activity, the Capitol 5K Fun Run.
Son.
I'll get it.
Shouldn't call it the Fun Run, we should call it the Suck Run.
Oh, hello!
Hunter, I wish you wouldn't say things like that.
Yes, I just finished breakfast.
Why do we have to do this, like, every year?
It's a family tradition, son.
No. It's not a good idea.
Seems like everything's a tradition.
Finish up your cereal. We're gonna go soon, okay?
I wish you would stop doing that.
Let's get this show on the road, guys. All right? We'll clean it up later.
Okay.
-Mom? We need to go. Are you... -Okay. Bye-bye.
Who's calling so early?
It was Nancy.
Let's go, party people. We're gonna be late.
Now, of course, we'll be led
by the world famous Jack Hayes up on the bicycle.
Jack will take you to the right.
Jack Hayes, you ready?
-All right! -Right!
Runners, on your marks.
Go!
Jeremy?
Hey, Ma.
-This is fun, huh, guys? -Yeah!
What do you say we increase the excitement with a little wager?
-What kind of wager? -Like a...
-I don't know, like whoever... -What about $5,000?
Uncle Jeremy!
What's up, dawg?
-A little late. -Hey, I thought you were playing poker.
I was. I won.
-Sweet. -Uh-huh.
Happy birthday, bro.
-You surprised to see me? -No.
Oh, well.
I'm feeling pretty good today. I think I'm gonna stretch these legs out.
I'll see you guys at the finish line.
Unless someone wants to come with me.
-I'll come. -No...
No, Hunter, we're gonna stick together, babe.
God! Fine.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
Mark, come on.
It's fine. Relax.
Well, he gets to go.
Hunter, not now.
You know what? I'm done.
Hunter.
Look, I have enough problems in my life right now.
I just wanna have a nice weekend with my family, so go home.
All right, I'll get out of here.
But you're gonna have to beat me in this race, okay?
That's stupid.
I'm serious. You beat me in this race, I'll get the hell out of here, right now.
Yeah, I'm looking to graduate.
Looking good!
Yeah!
Dad.
-Dad. -Hey.
-Dad, are you all right? -Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
Give me a high five.
-Okay. -All right.
Yeah!
What do you want me to say?
I told you I was sorry.
Mom, I'm meditating right now.
I didn't tell him anything.
Mom, we talked on the phone, you said he wasn't gonna be here.
He wasn't! He just figured it out because it was your birthday.
Why do you think he's here?
So he can try to destroy me.
That is crazy.
-I'm telling you, it's not, Mom. -That is ridiculous.
He loves you, he just wants to be around you.
Shoot.
He has no other brother. You're it.
You're building up this whole thing in your mind.
Mom, you don't think I know my own brother?
I can hear you guys.
Oh, hi, Jeremy.
Hi, Mark.
Hi, Mom.
We're just talking about what we're gonna have for dinner.
Sure.
Okay.
I'm Mark Benton.
And I'm Jeremy Benton. And welcome to...
-The Do-Deca-Pentathlon. -The Do-Deca-Pentathlon.
I solemnly swear...
...that I will complete all 25 of these events.
I will complete all 25 of these events.
-And whoever wins... -Whoever wins...
... will be declared the better...
God damn it.
Sorry I'm late.
Hi, Mom.
So, what's that?
Nothing.
What's "Do-Deca"?
Feel like telling your son what Do-Deca is, buddy?
It's nothing, Hunter. It's just...
No, what is that?
Stupid games your uncle and I used to play.
What's the Do-Deca, Jeremy?
Well, when your dad and I were in high school,
one summer, we came up with this competition
called the "Do-Deca-Pentathlon."
Which is, basically, 25 events,
and the one who won the most events was crowned Champion of All Time.
-Dinner is so great, Alice. -Yeah. It's delicious.
-Your salad really made it. -Thank you.
-The salad really is good. -Thank you.
I think it'd be great, actually, if we pop this in, maybe, and watch it.
All right, that's enough.
I wanna see the tape.
We're not seeing the tape, we're having dinner.
What? After.
-Can I see it? -Sure.
There is one slight problem, though. There's no more footage, it's been erased.
What?
Well, that's too bad.
-Yeah, it is. -Mom.
Yeah.
Somebody erased it. Wonder who did.
Mark, you know anything about this?
Mom, this steak is really good.
-Sure is. -I'm glad you like it.
Now, like, who won?
It was a tie.
It was?
Always a tie with Grandma.
-Well, how did it get to be a tie? -She knows.
Well, we're all tied up coming into the final event.
The "hold your breath underwater" event.
Mark got yanked out of the water first by Grandpa,
'cause he thought we were drowning.
-That's right. -Rules are rules.
He interrupted, so it was a tie.
No, Mom. We made the rules, you didn't make the rules.
Right, Mark? You know what the rules are.
It sucks for you, but you lost.
But he didn't come up on his own.
It doesn't matter, Mom.
It clearly only matters to one person at this table.
-Absolutely. -Thank you.
Am I the only one at the table that it matters?
-Who's that one person? -Yes!
It doesn't matter to me, Jeremy.
Really?
So, cool. I won, right?
Maybe you should just tell him that he won so we can just move past this.
That would solve everything, once and for all.
Mom, is it okay if I have a second helping of steak?
-Sure, Mark. Sure. Anybody else? -Did you hear your wife, Mark?
It doesn't matter, so tell him that he won.
I don't get why this is such a big deal.
That's all you have to do.
It doesn't matter.
So, you can just tell him that he won. Why are you being like this?
'Cause it doesn't matter.
Listen to your wife, my bro.
-I do not want another weekend ruined. -Thank you, Stephanie.
You okay?
Yeah. Fine.
-You sure? -Yeah.
-You don't look so fine. -I'm fine.
-Yeah? -I'm fine.
-Relax, okay? -Okay.
I'm good. Let's go sleepy.
-Okay. -Yep.
Who put this here?
Wow.
Jesus.
It's pretty ridiculous.
You know what I was thinking about?
Maybe...
Maybe we should leave tomorrow.
Go somewhere.
-Like a... -Really?
Yeah, like go to a hotel,
lay out by the pool, order some room service.
Mmm-hmm.
Eat some pancakes in bed.
-Mmm. -Mmm.
Watch some movies, just totally chill out, you know?
Have a super relaxing couple of days, just the three of us.
Mmm-hmm.
'Cause I think that, I don't think we're gonna get that here.
You know, the way things have been going.
-Mmm-hmm. -I think it's just better to get out of here.
Just go.
Mmm.
Yeah. Just a thought. Something I was thinking about.
Mmm-hmm.
You ever just look at Jeremy's legs?
And his hands?
And his face?
He reminds me of, like...
Like a troll, you know?
That guards a bridge or something in England.
You know what I mean?
Or, like, a leprechaun.
But not a leprechaun that you find at the pot of gold, you know?
Another kind of leprechaun.
Bad leprechaun.
I don't know.
I just can't believe that he's my brother sometimes.
Yeah, I get that.
Yeah, hi, sorry about calling you at this hour.
And how can I help you?
I'm calling about your son.
And we need to talk. It's very important.
Okay.
He was caught vandalizing the school today.
It occurred back in the tennis courts in the back of the school.
He dumped out a big, 50-gallon drums of grease
all over the goddamn tennis courts.
Are you kidding me? You're a goddamn...
That was awesome.
Do you wanna lead one on? Do you wanna do one? Okay.
Here, I'll pick the number, you dial it up.
Like father, like son, buddy.
Dad did this?
You better believe it.
He taught me everything I know.
Wow.
Well, why is he so lame now?
You know, I can't answer that question, to be honest with you,
but he's been pretty much of a fake tool lately.
Yeah.
It wasn't always like that, though.
Wanna do another one?
Yeah.
All right, Alexa Serpus.
You can't sleep?
Don't do that.
What's up? You're sick?
No.
What are those pills for?
Dick broken?
Mmm-mmm.
-Hair pill? -No.
Logjam?
-Shitting rivers? -No.
Depressed?
Good night, Jeremy.
Hey, Mark.
Quick game of pool?
Get in.
Nice shot.
Easy shot.
How's life, bro?
It's great. Don't talk to me.
What's that you're doing now?
Consulting or what is it the hell you're doing?
Pet food consulting and marketing, yes. Don't talk to me.
That's good.
You happy?
Absolutely.
Uh-huh.
Wanna look in my eyes when I ask you that next time?
Can you look in my eyes and answer that?
I'm happy.
So what about you, are you happy?
No.
See? Then shut up about it.
At least I can admit it.
You just want me to be miserable like you are.
Is that what Stephanie says?
I know what you're trying to do.
What's that, champ?
You're trying to distract me.
Oh, really?
Not doing a very good job.
Uh-huh. 'Cause I'm about to run the table on your ass.
You have any final words?
Two out of three?
Rack 'em up.
Yeah.
17-18, your serve.
You boys want some pancakes?
-Hey, Mom. -Hey, Mom.
-Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah, that's great.
Fuck!
Good morning.
How did you sleep?
-Slept great. -Good.
What do you wanna do today, sweetie?
I don't know. Whatever you wanna do.
Maybe go for a walk this morning?
Yeah, that would be great.
-Hi. -Hey.
I think he's bluffing.
All right, so then what do you wanna do about that?
Look, I'm just trying to look out for Mark, you know?
I'll bluff with him.
What do you want to do?
I don't know. I mean,
maybe we should just try this again some other time.
Oh, don't do that.
You know I haven't had any time with Hunter. I had all these plans.
I know, and we're going to plan another weekend again soon.
It's you're so far away, and to take another flight here,
I mean, you're not gonna do that till Christmas probably.
I'll tell you what,
I'll get Jeremy a hotel room.
You know, it's so crowded in the house. So...
-Hey, Mom. -Morning.
-Babe. -Hey, sweetie.
What are you guys doing?
Online poker.
Cool.
Are you serious?
Mmm-hmm. I'm in.
Thank you.
Okay, so here's the deal.
I've been seeing a shrink and a physician.
And they both don't want me doing anything that stresses me out.
Stephanie knows this.
So we have to create a little bit of a smokescreen.
Can you handle that?
Of course.
Okay.
Just let me take the lead.
So I don't wanna make a big deal out of this,
but Jeremy and I have been talking,
and we think that
it's time for us to move past all our immature antics.
And just be brothers.
I'm gonna go ahead and say
I'm at fault for a majority of all the tension that's taken place,
and I apologize,
and I'm just a little embarrassed, to be honest with you.
It's not your fault. I mean, I... We're...
Yes, it is. Hey.
Well, I'm accepting responsibility for my actions, too.
It's a 50-50 thing.
-It's not gonna be solved today. -Right.
It's not gonna be solved tomorrow.
But we're gonna make a concerted effort this weekend
to turn over a new leaf and find the love that we...
It's there.
There's no love lost.
It's just, we can't find it right now. And we're looking for it.
Well, I'm really proud of you boys.
Thanks, Mom.
Love you, Mom.
What the hell? 11:00!
Oh, no, it doesn't open until 11:00.
-Well, that's okay, we can come back later. -It opens right now.
No, no, no.
Hey!
Do you see someone?
I left my wallet yesterday.
-Come on, we can come back later. -He's making Slurpees.
I left my wallet! I gotta catch a plane. I need my...
-Is he coming? -Don't break that glass.
-No. -Just leave him alone.
-Tell him Hunter has cancer. -He's...
-What? -What?
-Good one, bro. -All right.
-What? -It'll work.
-No, no, no. -You can't say that!
Our boy's got cancer.
Make-A-Wish is here. 9:00.
-Don't smile. Don't smile. -That's terrible.
You shouldn't joke about things like that!
I've got cancer.
Stop it! Stop it!
-Mom, stop! -Stop it, that's so terrible.
-Is he coming? -No.
-He's not coming? -I got his attention.
I have to show him the old-fashioned way.
All right, guys, put your vest on over your head.
The name in the front.
Buckle both sides.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
Yeah.
Yeah?
If you wanna sit out, I'll sit out with you.
But I don't wanna sit out.
Yeah, you actually put it on backwards.
-Just take it easy, okay? -I will.
-Spin around. -I've played before.
I just want to make sure you take it easy, okay?
I'm gonna take it easy.
All right, lift your arms up.
This is stinky.
Yeah, they all smell.
I think I'll just sit this one out.
-Are you sure? -Yeah, I'll watch.
All right. Let's get this off of you.
Everybody, the game we're gonna be playing is sudden death.
Once you get tagged once, you're out of the game,
go to the holding area in the center of the arena.
Last person standing is the champion.
Any questions?
Are there any accessories that come with this?
Can I get a scope for long-range shooting?
-I think you'll be fine with what you got. -Okay.
Hey, we're gonna drop Steph and Hunter, and we'll get to work.
Yeah, yeah, but you got to get Stephanie.
-'Cause if I get her, she'll kill me. -Copy.
Five, four, three, two, one. Go!
Deactivated.
Oh, come on!
-Who did that? -Got her.
-Mark? -It wasn't me.
-Twelve o'clock. -Look out!
Hunter, look out!
Shh!
They're up to something.
What do you mean?
They're being really nice to each other.
It's a trap!
That way!
Where'd he go?
Dad, Dad, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm good.
Deactivated.
Oh, man!
Truce till we get up top.
Mark.
Deactivated.
What are you doing?
It's time to go home.
Can I get a reset here?
There is no reset. The game is over.
You're not even playing, you can't shoot me.
It's time to go home.
-Five more minutes. -Mark.
Oh, come on!
So today at laser tag,
there were some things that happened that were outside of my control. And...
Yeah, please rein in Stephanie.
But null and void. Interference.
Thank you.
We got a lot of ground to cover.
Yeah, we do.
And tomorrow's my birthday party.
All right. Let's focus up and get back at it.
Okay, get out of here. I'll follow you out later.
We'll stagger it.
Good God... Christ, you scared me.
What do you got there?
Oh, it's just an awesome margarita recipe
I was gonna whip up tomorrow.
-Oh, sounds good. -For the party.
Can you close the door for a second?
-I was just gonna go whip up a batch. -Just close the door.
What's up?
Just close the door.
What's going on?
I know that you guys are doing the Do-Deca.
No.
You guys are tip-toeing around and whispering and hiding behind doors.
And I'm not stupid, I know what's going on.
I know my husband well enough to know what's going on.
We're not playing the Do-Deca again.
-No? -No.
Okay, fine, we played a few games of Ping-Pong last night.
You played Ping-Pong last night?
Jeremy, if it was just about fun and games, I would be all about it,
because I want Mark to be happy.
But it's not just sports between the two of you.
-Yes, it is. -We both know that.
And his doctor and his psychiatrist are both very adamant
that he needs to be taking it easy.
For health purposes, for emotional purposes,
for his level of happiness.
So I'm asking you,
if you could please tell him that you don't wanna do it anymore.
We're not doing the Do-Deca. I just told you. Just a few of the sports.
And if that means that you need to leave or that we need to leave,
-it's all cool. Okay. -Okay, let's just tone it down now.
Because there's one thing.
Let's keep this between us, okay?
That's fine, I would prefer that, actually.
-That's the adult way to handle this. -Yeah, absolutely.
-Okay. -I totally agree.
So, will you drop out of the race, please?
No can do.
There you are!
I didn't know you smoke.
I was just having one.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
You don't look like you are.
Oh, sweetie.
What's the matter?
Oh, honey.
I'm fine. It's okay.
I'm okay.
Is there something I can do to help you?
It's just Mark.
He's such a wreck right now.
And now being around Jeremy, he's just...
I can see it happening.
He's just getting into that mode of where he's starting to think about
what his life would be like if he wasn't married.
And just like playing poker all day.
I mean, sometimes I feel like that's what he really wants.
Maybe I can help you.
Mark and Jeremy are still mama's boys.
I still have some power, Stephanie.
Okay.
-Wow. -Hmm.
You boys like it?
-Mmm. -Mmm.
So, Jeremy and I were talking and
we're thinking, like, we might go see a movie.
We haven't seen a movie together, like, in forever.
So, we're gonna catch a flick.
What are you guys gonna do?
Boys, we have something that we want to say.
Yeah, but the movie starts soon, right?
-Yeah, like, in 10 minutes. -Yeah.
What I think your mother is trying to say is that,
we've been feeling like you guys are kind of excluding the rest of the family.
And are very wrapped up in each other right now.
It would be nice if we, like, did things together.
All of us together. Like, we could all go to the movie.
That's a great idea.
It's an R movie and Hunter can't come. And...
Well, he could stay with me and then the three of you can go out.
And I'll go with you. That's a great idea.
-Well, it's... -That'll be fun.
It's an action movie. It's not a movie for women.
That's okay. I would love to go to the movie with you guys.
That's a great idea.
You like action movies?
-All of a sudden? -Yeah, I do. I do.
Well, I saw it as an opportunity
for me and Jeremy to hang out and bond, you know.
And there's certain things that brothers talk about privately that, you know...
We have a lot of catching up to do.
-Mark. -Yeah.
You're lying to me right now. You're not going to a movie.
I know what you guys are out doing.
What?
You know what? We'll come back with the ticket stubs,
and we'll give 'em to you. If you don't believe us. Right?
I mean, come on! We were just gonna hang out as brothers.
Didn't you spend enough time last night playing Ping-Pong together?
Hunter?
Hunter, you awake?
What?
Listen, now, I just wanted to tell you that
I'm sorry about dinner tonight, all the arguing.
Whatever.
No, I mean it. It's totally unacceptable.
Shut up.
Did you just tell me to shut up?
Yes.
Okay.
That's not appropriate talk to your dad.
Why are you so fake all the time?
What are you talking about?
You.
How am I being fake?
And you're always fake around me.
Why can't we just have a real conversation like I have with Jeremy?
Well, what do you and Jeremy talk about?
Stuff.
Like girls?
No.
Like sports?
No. Stuff just, like, comes up naturally between us.
I don't know what to say.
Just forget it.
We tried.
Okay, elbows on the table, both feet on the floor at all times.
Left hand on the table, but do not grab for leverage.
I know the rules, just be very, very quiet.
-Are you wearing shoes? -Yeah.
I'm not wearing shoes, take them off.
All right, fair enough.
-You happy? -Yep.
On my go.
On three.
On three or my go?
-No, no, on three. -Okay.
-One, two, three. -One, two, three.
Probably gonna get caught.
You gonna tell Mom?
No.
Are you gonna let him beat you right away?
Do it now, Dad!
Thanks, Hunter.
No problem.
We're gonna take the old bikes to the shop. The chains are rusty. All right, and we...
I have a couple more items for your grocery list.
I'm not going to the grocery store.
I have to stay and watch the stove.
I thought that you were gonna be able to go.
You know what, I've gotta pick up Aunt Melba.
You know how she is, she has to be the first person here when there's a party.
-Okay, I have to watch the stove. Hunter? -Yep?
Would you mind running down the street
and picking up a couple of things from the grocery store for me?
Sure.
You know that's about a mile away.
No, it's not, it's just a few blocks. I think he can handle it.
I can do it, Jeremy.
Yeah, he's done it before.
Did you finish your sign?
Almost. All I have to do is two letters.
See, yeah, Mark and I'll take care of it. We got plenty of balloons blown.
No. I don't think so.
Okay. I'll just go.
-All right, cool. Hunter and I'll go. -Really? Is that all right?
Just the two of you?
-Yeah. -Yep.
-And Mark stays here? -Yes.
-The whole time? -The whole time.
Jesus.
Okay, yeah, that's all right.
End of the block.
Take care. Be back soon, okay?
-Bye, Steph. -Bye. Thanks, Jeremy.
If you guys could hurry back,
I need some of those things right away, okay?
-Be right back. -Right back.
Thank you.
There's no way he's getting out of there.
-You don't think so, huh? -Nope.
Come on, Mark.
No, no way! No fuckin' way.
Language, shithead.
God damn, look at him. He's a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Okay, here he comes. You're about to meet the real Mark Benton.
Let's go. I got one hour for a jog.
Good job, Dad.
Oh, shit!
Yes!
Go!
Shit!
Three. Two. One. Go!
Hi! How's it going?
Hi!
How much time we got left?
It's 4:15.
How long have we been gone?
Like, four and a half hours.
We've been gone four and a half fucking hours.
What are we gonna do?
We have three more events. Let's go.
Open up! Let's go.
Take it easy on my ride, guy.
Come on. And your ride's fine. Let's go. Open up. What are you all doing?
Are you serious right now?
-Yeah! What are you all doing? -Chill out! We're going home.
No, we're not! We got three more events, we're doing this now.
-Dad! -We're going home.
-Get in the car. -Dad!
Open the door.
-We're finishing this tomorrow, bro. -Yeah.
Open the door! Open the door!
Open it! Open the door!
You're scaring me, Mark.
-What do you mean? I'm scaring you? -Yeah, man.
Calm down.
You're seriously not finishing this right now?
Not right now, we're doing this tomorrow.
Geez.
Can I have the keys?
Open it now, you jammed it.
Get in the car and calm down.
We're just gonna have to let him sit there for a minute.
He'll be all right.
Oh, damn it!
God damn it!
Here's the stuff.
I wanna know where the fuck you have been for the last five hours.
Are you gonna answer me?
Can you not talk to me like that? Seriously.
Just chill out. Chill out.
-Chill out? -Yeah.
All right, I'm chill.
Give me a chance to at least say I'm sorry.
Just go ahead, say that you're sorry. Now tell me where you were.
-I'm sorry. -Where were you?
I've been doing the Do-Deca with Jeremy.
Where?
All over the place. At the Y, the playground, everywhere.
Go-kart track. And we were at the Fun Arcade, too.
You missed your entire party.
I know. That's why I just wanna say I'm sorry. Okay?
Can I just say I'm sorry? And can we just move past it?
You lied to me.
Yeah, I lied to you.
Because if I tell you the truth, you freak out.
-So I have to lie. -I don't freak out, Mark.
You lied to me because you knew that you were doing something wrong.
No, I wasn't doing anything wrong.
I just had to deceive you to do something that makes me feel good, you know?
And that's fucking crazy.
That's not something that makes you feel good.
And whatever you think it is, that is not something that makes you feel good,
that's not something that's good for you.
No, no. It is good for me, because it does make me feel good,
and it makes me happy, okay?
Today, I had more fun than I've had in, probably, fuckin' 10 years.
I'm not trying to keep you from being happy, Mark.
You're acting like a crazy man.
I'm finishing the Do-Deca tomorrow, that's all there is to it, okay?
If you do the Do-Deca tomorrow, I am leaving tomorrow morning.
You're gonna leave because I'm gonna play sports with my brother tomorrow?
No. I'm gonna leave because you're being an asshole.
All right.
All right what?
Then leave.
You're not worried about Mark?
No, I'm not worried about Mark. I'm pissed at Mark.
He's got everything he could possibly need.
They got this great son.
-He's terrific. -Yeah, he's awesome.
He's got a beautiful damn family, and he's moping around like a big ass baby.
Why don't you talk to him? You could do it tonight.
I'm not gonna talk to him. We don't do that.
Well, you could start doing it.
We have fun by beating the shit out of one another.
That is so crazy.
I wanna take him outside and rub his face in the goddamn concrete.
To cheese-grate the shit right out of him and make him eat it.
A big slice of fucking life taco.
Well, I just want things to work out with them.
And, you know, he wants to do everything you wanna do.
He wants to be like you.
Bullshit. Mom, when are you gonna stop with that?
Give me a break. He thinks I'm a piece of shit.
He does not. You're some big poker star.
And I'd be invited to this birthday weekend if he wanted to be like me.
I want you guys to want me here.
You're always wanted at home,
but I'm just not sure your being here is best for them right now.
There's beer out in the garage.
I wanted a tallboy.
So what are you doing out here? Thinking?
Thinking about how tomorrow you're gonna get your ass whipped?
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
What's going on in there?
-In here? -Yeah.
-What, Stephanie? -Yeah.
I mean, I love her, you know? But...
I just feel like opening the front door sometimes and just walking away.
Not looking back.
She just doesn't get it.
Get what?
That we ruined your birthday party today that she planned?
And I basically looked her straight in the eye
and said I'll be right back from the store?
Kidnapped her son, and you go for a jog and we come back four and a half hours later?
I mean, think about that, man. What we did today.
Yeah, I know what we did today. It was fucking great.
I don't know, maybe this is just going a little too far,
that's all I'm saying.
You're fucking with me. You're fucking with me.
Of course I'm fucking with you.
-Jesus! -Relax.
Okay, good, 'cause I was about to say, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
All right, so, I'm gonna get the boxing gloves and mouth pieces,
9:00 a.m.,
and finish up and be prepared to get your ass kicked.
All right. Good. Yeah.
Let's just enjoy the final round tomorrow, and once and for all, do this.
Hope you sleep well.
You too, brother.
-Good night, buddy. -Good night.
Oh, my God!
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
I got to go, okay?
Why?
I got to get out of here. It sucks, but I gotta leave.
What? What about the Do-Deca?
I know. But you remember, we finish in a tie in this house.
It's what Grandma wants.
When am I gonna see you again?
We'll see.
Anyhow, you're the best.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Don't you go changing, unless you shit your pants.
Get out of the car!
Where in the hell did you come from?
Get the fuck out of the car!
Get your freaky ass the fuck out of my face.
Get off my car right...
Get out of the car!
-Goddamn car! -Where do you think you're going?
I'm going to the store to get Mom some eggs and shit,
so just get out of the way.
Get the fuck in the house.
Son of a bitch! Don't ever push me from behind again!
Cheap shot!
Get up. Come on!
-Come on! Get up. -Don't push me in the fucking bushes.
-Get up! -Shit.
Get up!
Dad!
Get your hands up.
-Put your fucking hands up. -No!
-Put them up! -You're gonna do this in front of...
-Put your hands up! -No!
-Come on! -You wanna do this in front of your family?
-Stop! -Put your hands up!
-You wanna hit me right now? -Yeah, I'm gonna knock you out!
Get away from me!
Yeah, let's do it right here in front of your son.
-Get your hands up. -Jeremy!
-Get 'em up! -Mark!
Stop it right now! Look at me! Mark.
I can't believe I let this happen.
I can't believe I let myself get so fat.
Well, I mean, look at this.
Look. Look at my foot.
My foot is fat.
You think when couples meet us for the first time,
and then they go home and then they talk about us,
you think they say, "Oh, she's the one married to the fat guy."
I don't think that's what they say.
Come on. Just level with me.
I'm fat.
Yeah, you're a little bit fat.
-God damn it! -Then why did you want me to tell...
You just said that you wanted me to tell you, so I...
No, no, no. I mean, no.
You're right. You're right. This is good.
I wanted to hear this from you.
Okay. Well, I think that you should lose some weight.
How?
Just start making healthier choices. Eating better.
Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. I mean, I think the food that I eat is okay.
It's just portion control.
And we have to keep chocolate out of the house.
Because, I mean, I know you like chocolate, and you eat chocolate and you stay thin.
But if I eat chocolate, I'd turn into a bigger fat-ass.
Can I still eat chocolate, like, when you're not around?
Or when I go out of the house?
If you're with your girlfriends, you can eat chocolate.
But you gotta brush your teeth afterwards.
'Cause I'll smell that shit, and then the whole thing will start
and then I'll just be, like, jonesing for chocolate, you know?
I'm sorry, Stephanie.
-Mom, it's okay, it's just stupid goodbyes. -Okay.
-Steph. -Take care of yourself, Jeremy.
I'm gonna go finish packing, okay?
Sup?
Tire looks low.
-Oh, it does? -Yeah.
Huh.
You should get it checked out.
Yeah, I will.
So, what do you got going on next?
I don't know.
Any tournaments or anything coming up or...
Yeah, I mean, there's always tournaments.
I don't know.
I'm just kind of getting burnt in the whole poker biz.
Really?
Yeah, I just, my head's not... Hadn't been in it.
Bored, you know?
I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do, honestly.
It's just... It's getting to that point.
And I'll figure it out.
When you guys leaving?
In a couple hours.
Yeah. Weekend went by fast.
-Yeah. -Yep.
Yeah, I better get rolling, I guess. I've got a long ass drive.
All right.
Jeremy, well, look, uh...
If you wanna come stay with us, you can, you know?
We got an extra bedroom and...
If you wanna just come visit, you know,
we'd love to have you.
I mean, if you want to.
That kicks ass.
All right, get out of here.
# There were moments of dreams I was offered to save
# I live less like a workhorse, more like a slave
# I thought that one quick moment that was noble or brave
# Would be worth the most of my life
# So I pointed my fingers and shouted a few quotes I knew
# As if something that's written should be taken as true
# But every path I had taken and conclusion I drew
# Would put truth back under the knife
# And now the only piece of advice that continues to help
# Is anyone that's making anything new only breaks something else
# When my time comes
# Oh, oh, oh
# When my time comes...